Thursday, July 24, 2008

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Edgar Hewett



I just spent an interesting 12 days with my dad. He visits the states from Jamaica at least twice a year but he doesn't always make it to NY as he has a home in North Carolina. My dad and I have a long and interesting story. Let me start by saying that my dad's name is Ed Hewett; and my legal name is Shawn Peters. That alone tells a lot about my history with my father. In short I wasn't really raised with my father being around. He and my mom split when I was about 2. My name was Shawn Hewett until I was 5 years old. In fact I remember being Shawn Hewett in kindergarten; and then Shawn Peters in the first grade. It's weird, my dad just disappeared, I mean he was around; in fact he didn't live too far from me until the age of 14 before he moved back to Jamaica. This is all very personal but I feel like sharing. I remember as a child wondering where he was; after a while he became almost a myth, a phantasm. You have this weird psychological trip that you go through as a kid without a father in your life. For me there was this feeling of not being as valuable or protected as other kids. Even though my mom had six brothers who were wonderful role models; it wasn't the same as having a father claim you. The effect that my father's absence on my childhood is hard to really articulate fully. There is just a sadness that is there, an uncontrollable longing for to know that part of your life and yourself. As I got older, sadness turned into anger; I was so angry that when people would ask about my father I would tell people that he was dead.

Before my mom died, she asked me to find my father, that was a little over 10 years ago. When she first asked, I vehemently refused. It took a while, but I warmed up to the idea; funny enough I saw a day time talk show where Chilly from TLC reunited with her father and oddly enough it touched me. I broke own and started probing. My uncle Alfred's best friend Arnie; would tell me that he knew my father well. One day I called him and he was able to locate my father's daughter; my half sister, Tanya (My dad had 3 kids from his first wife, who I was aware of but never met) I got the nerve up to call her and we finally met. We gelled really quickly, and soon after I met my older brothers and my aunt Judes. Finally; a call was arranged between me and my father, we talked a few times and I finally planned a trip to Jamaica to see him (really to meet him for the first time). When I saw him the first time it was weird, he had this huge smile when I came off of the plane. He and his wife Joyce brought me to there home; we talked all night....and I was floored. I couldn't believe how much of myself I saw in him, I loved him immediately. After that trip, my father and I have taken a trip to Cuba together and he has stayed with me in NY many times. It hasn't always been easy. Usually, i can take about 10 days of my father before I am ready for him to go home. I was really sensitive to his personality, he can be really critical; and in many ways I didn't feel like he had a right. So here he was, in my house again this time it was 12 days....and it was actually easy, and I really enjoyed his company. I love my dad there is no doubt about that...its been and interesting journey; and I am actually glad that he wasn't in my life as a child, all things happen for a reason. The timing of my father in my life has been perfect!